I grew up on the South Side of Chicago in a very Irish, very Catholic neighborhood. The Serenity Prayer showed up in just about every household. Whether it was a plaque on the wall or carved into a soap dish, it was a cultural mainstay of that community.
You’ve probably heard this prayer in reference to 12-step groups. It is most well-known for its opening lines: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The way it seemed to be used when I was growing up was closer to, “Help me get through the nonsense my kids are up to, the strength to not yell at them when innocent, and the patience to think so I know the difference.”
Religious origins aside, it’s solid advice for leaders and managers, especially those who are managing staff and dealing with customers. Any time you’re working with people, there are going to be things you can’t control, random data inputs that shape your day and your environment. The key, as the prayer suggests, is to have the wisdom to tell the difference.
It does take a particular kind of wisdom to understand the factors in your business and management structure that you cannot change. By freeing yourself from wasting time and resources on these inalterable elements, you can then reinvest that energy into dealing with things that are within your purview to change.
I see this distinction clearly in a common grievance among managers — difficulty with staff retention. Managers often lament that staff are seeking higher-paying jobs elsewhere, or even that people simply “don’t want to do the work.” While both of these are possible causes of high turnover, I’ve seen this issue play out enough times that I tend to look for causes in other directions first.
Most often, how people are managed has a large impact on whether or not they stick around. Do your employees know what’s expected of them and the responsibilities of the role? In what ways are you supporting them doing their work? If you can’t find easy, satisfying answers to these questions, then it may make more sense to consider issues within your control than to assign responsibility to circumstances at large.
I don’t mean to sound naive — money matters. But even that falls within your sphere of influence, at least to some extent. For employees on the lower end of the pay spectrum, an extra 50 cents or dollar an hour can make a big difference. If you’re having trouble retaining staff on the upper end of that spectrum, pay is an unlikely reason for people to make sudden, unexpected changes.
Telling the difference between things you can and can’t change requires taking a frank inventory of your business and your own management structure. And even if you don’t have control of the problems you’re facing right now, knowing that still gives you power over your situation. Maybe you can’t do anything to fix a difficult market, but you can alter pay scales and work conditions to better meet your staff’s needs.
You can also create new circumstances that are more favorable for your business. Whether that means letting employees bring in pets, giving them more input in their schedules, or allowing part-time remote work. It’s also worth considering any negatives in your workplace. Are you unintentionally rude? Do they need more support? Are they overworked because they’re short-staffed, which makes training more difficult? We have one location where my keeping them in snacks is the key to a happy team. Costco makes this an inexpensive solution.
Taking stock of these realities requires courage and strength. But in nearly every situation, you have tools you can use to make your business a more attractive place for employees.
Of course, there are times when a situation is well and truly beyond your control. Let’s say you’re not getting enough people through the door. During an economic slump and a worldwide downward trend, it makes sense to identify the cause of your problem as something you can’t really help. If these external forces are truly causing your woes, then all you can do is hope for the serenity to navigate trying times.
Last year, we saw two hurricanes tear through our community and severely hamstring the sales of one of our stores. It was painful, of course — our new store was just starting to get its feet under it, but the community was devastated, and we lost a quarter of our sales as we dug ourselves out of that pit.
But at the end of the day, nothing we did could have stopped the hurricane or the harm that it did to our community. So all that was left was to make peace with it. When you have the understanding to identify what’s under your control and what isn’t, you can focus your efforts into areas where they can really make a difference.
The Serenity prayer may be associated with 12-step programs or various Christian traditions, but at the end of the day, the message that you need to pick your battles is something that can benefit all of us.